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Friday, August 22, 2008

Decalogue for coming out the closet...

Hi girls, today you put this article that we found and we find interesting and can you guide to take the plunge if they do not even have given of the closet or what is the same raise awareness of your sexual orientation. Come on, tell people in your circles close (family, friends, work) that you are gay. Obviously it is not an obligation ... But sometimes it is necessary to do so.

1. Do not make a catastrophe of the case.

You can not know the reaction that will have people once you leave the cabinet. The reaction can be good or bad, but you're not god and can not know beforehand. People are often surprised: can you are angry or embarrassed, but also fit reactions of surprise, pride in having a child, brother, friend or so, and even relief that finally the participants do something that we intuit. ..

2 .- Do a test.

Prepare a relatively manageable you as a reference for future outings. For example, is a good way to leave your best friend. I do not think it makes sense to maintain a deep friendship if we do not share such an important part of your life, so perhaps worthwhile start there.

In addition, friends can serve as a pillar or support essential for future outings. Tell you have to be to tell an essential aspect as well as complicated your life (or your sexuality), you want to share with him or her (as will an idea of where you are).

She noted his reaction. If it shows receptive and wanting to know, continues. If it shows elusive or seeks to avoid the situation, it might be worth trying with another person (or even change you friends!).

3 .- Look at the reactions of others.

If people react angrily or aggressively, or do not want to hear what you're counting, not continue. They are in their right not to want to listen. Above all, do not be put at their level. If you shout, not shout; if alter and anger not do the same. Shout of them is not a good way to keep the mind clear and firm, which is precisely what you need at a time like this.

4 .- Family and friends first?.

It's a personal decision. Some have begun by her best friend because she understood that, otherwise, the friendship would not have value, being disingenuous. But we also know people who started by her family, because she understood that those who have brought the world should be better able to understand and accept. Others did so with a brother or sister who later helped when it came to tell the parents.

5 .- How to get the item?.

It seems complicated right? But I can give you several options. You can raise you as I said earlier, as something more or less formal ... "We have to talk about something important" ... but in most cases that I know has emerged spontaneously.

6 .- Who should I tell?.

Here I can not answer. Everyone has designed life as a lesbian, wants to have. I have friends who have only what her sister. Other relatives and friends but kept her working life completely in the closet. And finally only a few (unfortunately) have come out in all spheres of life ...

7 .- Aid.

If you need help look for and ask. Have you taken a good step in this consultation, but may require help. In the network there GLBT most representative associations. They often have clinics or counselor who, at any given time, can be an invaluable aid, more than anything because they are accustomed to seeing these issues one day and another the other ... too.

If you do not have a fence, there are telephones information where you can advise. You could also say you were a psychologist if needed, but it would be good to you before the report of the same opinion about homosexuality, will not you try heal you (unless you think that cure).

There are also some books that can be self-help, have very good titles and addresses many issues of lesbian life, since leaving the cabinet to how to make lesbian relationships work.

.8 .- Grounds.

Examine the reasons you have for the closet. Know why you want to do things can be very helpful. By that I mean that is not the same leave your parents because they want something reproach, to do it because you want to improve your relationship with them.

The same applies to your friends. Above all, take your time. I suppose you've waited a long to reach this situation. Any lesbian comes before or after that need to grab his life by the horns and do something with regard to their sexuality.

(Translation of the photo: "coming out the closet")

No problem by waiting a few days, weeks or even months more, thinking about the same and about all the risks, pros and cons that can lead to the take certain decisions.

Above all it is important that you feel to think about what might happen arrival the situation in order to be ready (for better and for worse) bearing in mind that it is absurd and pointless to worry about things you can not control (such as behaviour that will have others).

9 .- When the time comes.

As understand, we can not answer that question. Everyone is a world, and each outlet is different. It depends on your age and circumstances. However, some people have encountered the following answers:

a) "We say this to do us harm." Faced with this situation helps to know why you do. If they are sincere and based on love, most people should be able to understand the pain you're going (at least over time). If they do not, maybe they are the ones who should ask for help.

b) "Sure it is only a phase. You will know when the right guy." From yours rebut this argument and make it clear that not accept what the stage and that is not passenger.

c) "Oh God! what have we done wrong?. what are we wrong?" Try to be responsible for the fact of being a lesbian. There are so many theories about what causes homosexuality as authors consulted. You know: from the absent parent to genetics. Knowing a few and make it clear that not know the specific causes can avoid blame for your parents is something that should not be blamed

d) "It's a sin ... ... is unnatural, go to hell." Well, yes ... yet we hear things from this style, no matter how close we are the third millennium. Faced with this, knowledge is always the solution. If you are a believer and your religion is opposed to homosexuality, there are religious groups who attempt to offer spiritual support and modern interpretations about the alleged ban on homofilia. You can find them in the various associations GLBT.

e) "We can not understand it. We do not fit on the head that two women can do that." It is, perhaps, something against which you can not do anything, because it is feelings and prejudices, the fruit of years of indoctrination ... To give you an idea is like if you achieve a representation of your parents making love so savage. It seems to be costing the idea, right?.

And is that homosexuality is part of what you are, but also a very intimate and secret of your person. Like not give details of your relationships if they were heterosexual, why do not you give them your homosexual relationships. That is for the privacy of each person.

The only thing you can do is try to dismantle their demons about homosexuality brings clarity and positive images from the endless list of lesbians and gay men along the story until one of modern films, which addresses the issue of how and without desenfadada make a drama of the case.

They also often have support groups for parents associations. Remember that if you do not accept ... thing is ultimately theirs. It is up to them to change their vision. Not you.

10 .- Good Luck

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